Thursday, August 11, 2016

The Worst Year of My Life

I knew this year was going to be a bad one, from the very beginning of 2016.





 For years, my wife Kelly has expressed her interest in leaving me once and for all because in the past, before I had my anxiety and depression issues in check I would always react to stress in one of two ways, each as emotionally straining as the other: uncontrollable and frantic crying or the irresistible urge to just yell and scream, both of course would hurt Kelly or the kids. Of course, over the past several months since Kelly took the kids and moved over 500 miles away I have since been diagnosed and been treated for bipolar disorder. I'm actually surprised that being diagnosed with bipolar disorder took so long as I've always shown the signs for it... plus my mother had this for much of her life before contracting cancer and dying.

It saddens me to announce that earlier this week, I was diagnosed with stage 1 thyroid cancer. My new doctor (who I personally don't like) is the one who put me on bipolar medication and had me do a follow up visit with him to test out my thyroid, he didn't quite tell me what he was testing for but when the nurse called and told me... I didn't think I could become more broken.

So what do I do now? Unfortunately when Kelly had moved out, she cancelled my medicaid insurance as we were both on the same case number and there really wasn't any way of me trying to stop her..I've since tried to reapply for the insurance but I'm still waiting to see if it got approved or denied, but I feel like this more recent diagnosis will help get it approved (I hope!). You might be thinking why don't I have insurance through another organization? Well, for years I have been suffering from bodily pain in my back, hips, arms and legs and it wasn't until I started seeing a doctor for all of this is when I discovered that the pain I've been suffering from was due to fibromyalgia and the chronic pain has only gotten worse since she left me.. as it was likely caused by all of the stressful episodes I've endured over the past eleven years.. do I blame Kelly? For most of it, sure, but me being paranoid and my ability to get easily worried hasn't helped, either.

AND THAT'S NOT EVEN THE WORST OF IT ALL!

No, the worst of it all hurts me more than any physical condition or medical diagnosis... the worst of it all is how Kelly has treated me since she left.

Kelly promised me she'd speak to me at least once a day whether it be through phone call, text message, or email. I just wanted to know for a fact that her and the kids were doing well.

Kelly promised me she'd try to send me a picture of the kids ever now and then... she sent four within the first two weeks.

Kelly has lied to her mom and dad about things regarding me. Kelly told her dad that I stole the SNAP food card when the truth is Kelly literally gave it to me as she left. I'm sure there are other things she has lied about.

I'm not saying I'm perfect, either. I've been annoying by calling her over and over and over again to the point that she changed her number, blocked my number, blocked me on several of her email addresses, locked me out of our Amazon account, our shared Google account, BLOCKED me on her Google account, blocked me on her Twitter, Netflix and other things... when she wants to do something, she makes sure it's not only very hurtful but also spiteful.

But you know what? I don't care. I don't care what she has done to me, I don't care of all the fighting we had over eleven years, all the thousands and thousands of dollars that she has taken and spent behind my back or even if she is with another man in Texas (I'm assuming, at this point), but I'd forgive her in a heartbeat. I love her. She's my Kelly, my wife, the mother of our children..

Last year on Google Plus, Kelly had posted this image:

Photo

The thing is, I disagree. I've tried everything I could think of to try to be comfortable being alone, and sometimes not alone, I've hung out with people, I try to play games, try to stream on Twitch, I try to listen to music and watch movies... but not of it is fun. I can barely watch TV anymore... I always enjoyed it watching it with Kelly or my babies. It just doesn't have that fulfillment like it used to... Hell, I've tried watching TV with other people (such as my dad), but it's just not the same. Sure, Kelly has grown quite distant from me for a while... but I still enjoyed doing stuff together than doing stuff alone. I hate sitting in this quiet house with nothing but the sound of myself... I hate it.. I miss the sound of my kids screaming at each other, I miss the sound of their laughter... I miss the sound of their tears... I miss my family.

I just want my family back. That would make everything so much better.

But at this point, I deserve to suffer.


**PS if Kelly reads this**: If there is anything I forgot to add about the bad things I've done, let me know.

Friday, December 11, 2015

The Biggest Lies Adults Tell Children




Parents and adults sometimes say things to children that aren't always true, but sometimes these lies are meant to help children remain positive about themselves while others are used to buy time.


Reddit user RevMick recently asked in /r/AskReddit an important question to the community on what the biggest lies are that we tell children.




Parents don't want to let their children down, especially when the parent knows their child or children might be incapable for ascending to a certain goal whether it be a limitation of the odds of reality or it is a limitation of their physical or mental skills. Many children in the United States at one point at another have stated in their younger years that can reach the highest point of success, everything from being a doctor, an astronaut, or even being the President of the United States. Of course it is not impossible for anything to happen, but with only 5.4% of the total population in the US are doctors and with much lower odds of being an astronaut or even being the President of the nation, it is understandable why parents might lie to their children.

However, to offer a counterpoint Reddit user jankymcjankerson says, "Well, the truth is, with the right amount of work and patience. Barring physical issues that would prevent it. You really can be anything.
People forget to put the work and patience part in there." Dedication and effort can bring a child closer to their goals as they progress through adolescence and adulthood.



Younger children want to be a part of their parents lives and sometimes children will want to emulate what they see their parents do whether it be with cleaning the dishes, getting the laundry in or out of the wash cycle, want to play the same video games their parents do and other tasks that might not yet be ready for the child to be fully prepare to do, but parents do this to not only let their children participate in the same activities, but it is also a learning opportunity to learn how to not only perform the task but also to be as competent as their adult counterparts in those same tasks.


How many times during your child years did you come running down stairs after your parents told you the food was ready to eat but then when you sit at the diner table and be told that food wasn't actually ready and then you'd just wander back into the living room and just watch TV and wait for Mom and Dad to actually get the food ready? It has happened to all of us and even experiencing it as a child, new parents will and do end up doing the same thing to their children?


Small children have a tendency to wake up either from their daytime naps or their restful nighttime sleep and they can wander to their parents rooms and not always at an appropriate time and when mommy and daddy are caught in that wrong moment its up to them to make up a liar to explain and escape the awkward situation of having to give their little ones the sex talk. Maybe the kids are up in their rooms and are awaken by the loud sounds coming from their parents bedroom and in the morning at the breakfast table the kids are curious as to what the ruckus was the previous night.... yeah, "We were just wrestling."

In reality these lies can be pretty harmless --- Lying to children can be an essential quick excuse to put them to ease when a better reason or explanation is not always available for adults that are caught off guard and there really shouldn't be any negative judgement to adults who do the occasional lie, its only when it becomes a common occurrence that we should as society be worried

Monday, December 7, 2015

Fans Rejoice at First Gameplay Reveal from Final Fantasy VII Remake

"Fans Rejoice in Latest Gameplay Footage from Final Fantasy VII Remake"



First look at new gameplay footage from the long awaited remake leaves fans stunned.

Earlier this year during the Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3), audiences were surprised when both Sony and Square-Enix announced that after nearly twenty years the ever so requested remake of Final Fantasy VII was finally being developed for fans to relive the whole experience all over again. While many fans have been wishing and hoping for a remake to become reality, many did not expect the game to evolve as much as it has since the games initial release in 1997.

It's been months since E3 has passed, and Sony has decided to give an early look at how the gameplay may appear when gamers get their hands on the title.



Keen eyed fans who are familiar with the original PlayStation release will notice that this gameplay montage takes place during the opening mission that players experience when they get introduced to the world of Gaia. This level was used as a basic instructional guide for new players to get a grasp on the game controls and meet two of the main characters, Cloud and Barrett

After viewing the gameplay footage, some fans were worried that the tone of the battles from the original game would be lost to a new action-based combat system similar to seen in the Kingdom Hearts series and Square-Enix's upcoming Final Fantasy XV. Commenting on concerns fan have regarding the gameplay style, producer Yoshinori Kitase said,

 "I can’t say the new game is completely action-based, but it has more of that element and real-time than the previous game. However, what makes Final Fantasy and RPG different from other games is that the players have the ability to choose weapons, capabilities and magic to be strategic minded, so while the new game has more real-time element, it will also maintain that strategy building element, balancing these two factors perfectly to enhance the gaming experience."
Fan reactions on Reddit seem to be generally positive:




With the recent announcement by the producers of the project that the remake will be much larger in scale requiring for the game to be released in multiple parts, some fans will undoubtedly have some reservations in not having the entire experience available upon release but the general reaction on Reddit is remaining mostly optimistic.





Many fans in fact never thought a remake would ever be made, as for many years Mr. Kitase has been casting doubts that a project so large would be almost impossible to get everything set up where Square-Enix could even consider a remake of Final Fantasy VII, but of course, he may have been trying to through off fans of the beloved Final Fantasy series to make the announcement and subsequent gameplay footage that much bigger of a surprise.




Original Poster: Wrexis
Community: /r/Games

Monday, January 19, 2015

X-Men: Civil Rights, Gay Oppression, and Movie Rights





When I originally sought out to write something about the X-Men, I mostly wanted to talk about how I felt that the live-action rights really didn't matter to the whole Marvel Cinematic Universe and why I actually thought it was a dumb idea for anyone to really suggest that Fox should sell back or give the rights back to Marvel Studios. Hell, despite X3 and both of the Wolverine movies sucked hard, all of the other films in the series have been really good financially, critically, and in my opinion artistically... I was going to write a piece of how Fox is doing just fine with Bryan Singer (thankfully) back at the wheel. Sure, I would have preferred if Matthew Vaughn directed Days of Future Past, but after watching the movie several times, it is probably my third or fourth favorite comic book movie of all time (for now). However after doing a little bit more research for writing this topic I decided to not just go into the whole movie rights thing because well, while that will be covered, I wanted to go into a bit of how I feel the X-Men is seen in today's society.


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Original Social Commentary


Classic.
People try to talk about how when Stan Lee and Marvel Comics debuted that their strife they faced was an allegory for racial tension and discrimination during the civil rights area which really sped up during the 1960s and even as I watched the amazing (until the final few seasons) X-Men animated series I was able to see this despite being in my pre-teens when it aired -- it was obvious that the differences between Professor Xavier and Magneto were as clear as the different approaches with civil rights between Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Malcom X: Professor Xavier prefers equality through education, talks, politics, and without oppression while Magneto fought back with any means and at any cost and doesn't care who gets in the crossfire with his side of Brotherhood of Mutants.. of course, a lot of this has changed since the 90s as Magneto became an on again/off again ally of the X-Men. There is no question that race relations in the United States, among other places in the world, have changed quite a lot since X-Men debuted over a million years ago but the dynamic has change a lot. While MLK Jr and Malcom X are both remembered for good reasons and some bad, the only person I can even compare to either them over the past 25 years is Nelson Mandela. Sure, there are other people that have contributed to the race talk in world, but there really isn't anyone I can name as iconic as these two and without them, the comparison to Professor Xavier and Magneto is really lost. Sure, both of them are still quite different but now that Professor X has been dead since the events of A v X, and now Magneto back in his whole anti-hero thing, and of course with the convoluted time travel of the ORIGINAL X-Men now in modern times and teaming up with the Guardians the Galaxy, it's safe to say that the X-Men really aren't about the racial discrimination context anymore.

Changing Hands


In 1996, to avoid their company crumbling, Marvel Comics had to file for bankruptcy and out of desperation sold off the rights to many of their properties to be adapted into live action shows and films, which led to the first X-Men film being released and directed by Bryan Singer (and written by Solid Snake) in 2000.  When I first heard that the X-Men was being adapted into a feature length film, I lost it and was so excited that one of my favorite comics was not just going to be a TV show or amazing arcade fighters anymore, but it was actually going to be on the big screen! I was only 16 when the film came out so my priorities weren't arranged how they are now of course, so a film based on X-Men, or any Marvel comic really was a big fucking deal for me and my friends (well, the ones that read comics anyways). Of course the film was a success (except for Rogue, Storm, Toad, and Sabretooth) and led to the even better X2: X-Men United, which was 10x better in my opinion because it better explored the Weapon X experiment with Wolverine, gave us amazing performances and a great lead-in to any upcoming films, or so everyone thought. I'll pass over X-3 and the shitty Wolverine films and say I am glad for the reboot/prequel/retcon that was done by both First Class and Days of Future Past. I'm going to focus a on these two films because I felt both films handled the xenophobic nature of the 1960s and 1970s toward mutants, the unknowns. The 60s and 70s were not exactly very nice to gays or minorities and it was obvious that despite an amazing script, it did feel like the writers were on their soap box of how oppressed and suppressed mutant-kind were during this era.

Homo-phobia?


Now, I've read many opinion pieces about how the use of "mutant" in these films is some sort of code word
I guess he scene got cut out.
for "gay" and honestly I think that is a bunch of shit. The writers may have made that intention, but I don't buy it one bit. First off of all, being gay is nothing like being a mutant. Let's be honest with ourselves and just straight up say that being mutant can be either pretty awesome or pretty crappy (most of the time and if you remember them) and Homo Superior most definitely should be or already is the next step in human evolution. The crappy part of being a mutant is that there is a pretty good chance you will stand out just simply based on your unfortunate appearance or your flashy powers. Now, let's compare that to being gay: you are either born gay or you're not. Of course, sometimes it takes a while to discover you are gay but being gay isn't going to suddenly change your appearance.. I've never seen anyone gay who has completely blue skin or a giant bushy squirrel tail. Being gay isn't suddenly going to give you the ability to slice your enemies in half with your claws or anything like that. Yes, mutants faced a lot of oppression and anger towards them mostly out of real fear that any moment a dangerous mutant can go on a massacre and kill your family, but being gay doesn't mean you're suddenly go out and rape every man, woman, or child -- it's just not the same! Yes, there are individuals and groups and even entire governments that will harass, maim, persecute and even kill you if they find out you're gay and most of the time when things like this happen it's usually out of stupidity or taking religious views completely out of context and overreacting and I'm sure that given the chance, some governments would love to make a place like Geonosha where they can send all homosexuals to. Hell, it's even absurd that I have to talk about this in the first place.

X-Men in the MCU


Now, what the hell does all of this have to do with the X-Men trying to fit in with the rest of the Marvel Cinematic Universe? Honestly, nothing. I think it really would be best if Fox kept doing what they're doing with the X-Men even if Bryan Singer has some sort of weird thing with changing the subtext of the mutant plight. Seriously, go watch X2, First Class and Days of Future Past... these movies are amazing. Of course, I might be a complete idiot for not wanting to see the X-Men team up with other heroes in the MCU, but in reality it makes no sense for them to even be included unless they change the way mutants are viewed. Look, you have these individuals with amazing powers that could potentially defend and help mankind yet we now have the Avengers and aside from a couple of stupid people in the world who think they're a danger, the rest of the world really doesn't mind them and of course this might all change after the events of Avengers: Age of Ultron. So does this mean that both the current super-powered individuals and mutants should be treated the same? That is just one thing that doesn't really make a whole lot of sense in Marvel Comics with certain groups of heroes are celebrated while another group of heroes are to be feared and oppressed.


If tomorrow Marvel suddenly announced, "Hey guys, we got mutants back, expect them in Phase 4", and they went ahead and included them as they have been treated in the comics and films, I'm sure we'll see ten billion posts online about how it doesn't make sense much like how people complained when Iron Man 3 came out, "Where are the rest of the Avengers to help out and bla bla bla?", because if you think about it boils down to who was born with powers versus those who gained powers later on with a wide selection of methods of how those powers were given. But really, who knows what will happen in the films because literally there is a possibility of anything happening with the rights but please don't think that being gay is like being a mutant, because it's not. Obviously, there are holes in my logic and I'm going to be criticized as either cynical or ignorant, but honestly I just don't see the gay subtext in these films and I think comparing it so kinda cheapens the plot of the series, but hey, you don't have to listen to me.

Cinematic Failure, right here.

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Hit or Miss: Latino Review

Get ready for some text!


With recent conflicting reports of whether Marvel Studios is planning on re-obtaining the live action rights of Spider-Man or not making the rounds of the Internet, I think it is important to remember that every thing not explicitly stated by their respective studios should be taken with several grains of salt.

Yesterday it seems the notorious website Latino Review gained another huge scoop that would shake up the world of comic book movies. Dave Gonzalez (@Da7e), you know the one with the better track record of being right, dropped a bombshell: Spider-Man would be showing up in Marvel Studio's, "Avengers: Infinity War Part 1". Of course, other tidbits say that Steve Rogers was going to be killed by Crossbrones in "Captain America: Civil War" (not unlike what happened during Marvel Comics conclusion to "Civil War" several years ago), and for some stupid reason are still pushing that yes, the Hulk will get shot into space and probably either team up with the Guardians of the Galaxy (which James Gunn has denied) or probably start Planet Hulk (which Marvel and even Mark Ruffalo have denied). So basically, everything fans want is going to happen... but that seems awfully convenient.  But hey, how can I argue when Latino Review swore back in March 2013 that this Planet Hulk true? Why would they continue to keep arguing that this was going to happen for so long? Of course, when Marvel Studios revealed their whole Phase 3 line-up late last year, it seemed that these rumors should be put to rest.


Follow me on Google+ for further updates.


Now, just because I don't believe any of this bullshit about Spider-Man and the whole shape of Phase 3 that doesn't mean I can't at least acknowledge that there has been quite a few things they have got right, which of course is mostly just casting announcements. They were absolutely correct when Benedict Cumberbatch was going to play Khan in Star Trek Into Darkness, but then they completely dropped the ball saying he was going to be in Star Wars Episode VII, but then they redeemed themselves again when they spoiled he was going to be Doctor Strange for Marvel which thankfully was officially announced later on (and ended those stupid fan castings). We also must not forget how correct Latino Review was on stating that none other than Khal Drogo himself Jason Momoa was indeed going to be playing Drax the Destroy in Guardians of the Galaxy. I kid of course, as it turns out that Dave Batista gave an amazing performance in that role which has led to much bigger things such as being a baddie in the upcoming James Bond film, 'SPECTRE'.

Sometimes Latino Review is correct, such as when they successfully scooped up who was going to play Victoria Hand in Agents of SHIELD (I'm still mad she didn't last long!), of course they were 100% right on the money when it came to Bradley Cooper being cast as the voice of Rocket in Guardians. Of course, we can't forget to mention their Wonder Woman scoop, which was right on the money.

But over the past several years, it does seem that Latino Review has had more misses than hits, such as how
I mean how can we forget the time that LR said the post credits scene in Iron Man 3 was going to involve Tony Stark receiving a transmission from outer space, deciding to leave Earth and teaming up and becoming one of the Guardians of the Galaxy?

And I already know what a lot of people are going to say that a lot of these were just rumors or that these things really were going to happen and changed at the last minute... and that might be a possible scenario but just because Latino Review gets a few things right, that does NOT mean they're going to be right all the time but those who read their tweets about scoops must always have a doubt and try not to get too excited. I'm not saying we as fans should not speculate because speculation is usually pretty fun, but when a bunch of people start pulling shit out their asses, throwing it to the wall, of course sometimes some of that is going to stick but I think less people need to invest into what Latino Review is saying and we should trust more reliable sources like Variety or The Hollywood Reporter (which I still firmly believe LR might have a plant or insider with one or both of these papers).

One thing that I found to help better cope with these types of announcements however, is to simply rely on official reports because really lying about things isn't any way to keep fans. But hey, you don't have to listen to me.